Why Rewards Don’t Work
Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT
We want to be mindful of how often and how much we use rewards. I believe everything in moderation is the key. A lollipop given to a child while in stroller at the mall, or a special treat for hanging out with mom at the hair salon is perfectly fine.
However, when it come to the behaviors that you want your children to master to become a productive member of society, we must refrain from using rewards. That means toss out the stickers and the charts!
Here’s why Rewards don’t work:
- They motivate children from without
- Parents give the reward for the act not for the goodness of the person
- Child learns to expect and demand that others make them happy
- Child looks to please the parent when trying to obtain the reward
- Child ends up with the “what’s in it for me” attitude
- If child can’t obtain the reward, they convince themselves that they didn’t want it anyway.
How frustrating and what a big waste of time!
Encourage cooperation and good behavior by:
- Having child be internally motivated
- Have them look for happiness from within
- Emphasize that it is the person that is loved, not the act
- Enhancing self sufficiency and personal persistence
- Teach them how to think for themselves
- Encouragement builds self-esteem and respect for others
Copyright 2007, TheGoToMom.TV
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