Decoding Infant Crying

By David Elkind

A problem for many parents of young infants is the baby who cries fitfully for no apparent reason. The baby may have had a full meal at the breast or bottle, slept for a little and then resumed crying on and off for hours. Picking up and cuddling the baby quiets him or her for awhile but then the crying erupts again. The parents check to see if the diaper needs to be changed and it doesn’t. The baby has just been to the pediatrician and was given a clean bill of health. At this point, after being up for long hours, parents wonder “What does the baby want?” A very intuitive answer, given that all else is in order, is that the baby is hungry and wants to be fed again. But after a few sucks at breast or bottle, the baby shows no more interest and starts crying again.

One strong possibility, and this was suggested by Freud, is that the infant has an urge to suck which is quite unrelated to food, and which is pleasurable in of itself. That is why the infant is not interested in the breast or bottle; he or she is not interested in food, just sucking. This is where the pacifier comes in. For many infants in this situation the pacifier solves the problem by giving the infant a release for its urge to suck. Parents worry, however, that the pacifier may become habit forming and the infant will become addicted to the pacifier and be reluctant to give it up. No, in most cases the infant will lose interest in the pacifier on his or her own once the urge to suck declines. This usually happens towards the second half of the first year. Once the infant shows signs of losing interest in the pacifier, it should be withdrawn gradually. If the baby still seems to need it, it can be given back temporarily but withdrawn again when the baby again shows signs of lack of interest in it.

It should be said however, that the pacifier can be seductive. Parents may be tempted to let the infant continue to use the pacifier after the baby gives every evidence of not needing it any longer. This is misuse of the pacifier which may indeed cause it to be habit forming. The infant may come to look upon it as an all purpose tension reducer. This is not healthy for the infant who should be learning more adaptive methods for dealing with stress. The important point, and one that holds true for all facets of childrearing, is that you have to watch the baby. Through his or her cries and actions the baby communicates fears, likes, dislikes and needs. If we take our cues from the infant, as when he or she shows signs of no longer needing a pacifier, we will not go too far wrong. Indeed, keeping your eyes on the baby is the best way of decoding his or her behavior.

Professor Elkind has published research, theoretical articles, book chapters and 18 books. He has also written children’s stories for Jack and Jill, and been published in the New York Times Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Parade and Psychology Today. Recent articles include Computers and Young Children, The Authority of the Brain, The Cosmopolitan School, On Becoming a Grandfather, and Thanks for the Memory: The Lasting Value of True Play.

Well known for his writings, he is probably best known for his popular books, including The Hurried Child, a 25th anniversary edition of which was released in 2007, along with Professor Elkind’s newest book, The Power of Play: Learning What Comes Naturally.

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